Save your liver OR drink twice as much?

Scientists have found a drug that could help reverse severe liver damage.

Now I think this research is brilliant but it begs a couple questions:

1) Did the scientists try this on themselves first? Sure if I had a liver problem due to excessive drinking I "might" sign up for a trial but on the other hand if the drug failed it could kill me so I would be faced with a hard decision

2) Since the drug repaired the liver, did this allow the drunkards to go drink more?

Is this the cure or a license to drink? I wonder if it is too late to sign up?

** oh, and did the writers name HAVE to be Ian Sample? (that killed me!)

Dreaming in Stereo

So if I sleep on my side and my dreams contain music, do I hear it in stereo or mono?

That being said, what is up with my conscious and subconscious mind(s)? Why in the world do I have to dream about a lake or running water to know when nature calls? Can't my brain simply pop up a window in my dream that says, "Wake up and go to the bathroom!" Makes you wonder if we are "wired" wrong - some sort of joke by the deity of choice?

I wonder if dogs dream about fire hydrants when they have to go to the bathroom?

** btw: the mp3 pillow can be found at ThinkGeek

Oven Mitt Oxymoron

I got a new pair of oven mitts for Xmas today. I had to throw out the old ones because they caught on fire.

Wrapping Paper Designer

Please understand, I'm "a guy". This boggles me but at the same time it is amazing. This woman is a wrapping paper designer! Wow!

Remember in 5th grade when they asked you what you wanted to be when you grew up? What do you think her answer was?

• Do you suppose she ever suffers from "designers block"?
• Can you get a trademark or copyright for each pattern?
• Talk about the BEST job for an artist. Your artwork is EVERYWHERE!
• Can you plagiarize wrapping paper designs? You know this means there is someone with a Doctorate in wrapping paper design that teaches these classes,

Easter Bunny

Have you ever noticed that on the bottom of chocolate Easter bunnies there is a seam. This must be how the bunny gets out after the chocolate has hardened.

This leads to another obvious conclusion. If you want to know how long a bunny can hold its breath, find out how long it takes warm chocolate to harden.

Given their ability to hold their breath, Bunny's must be great a swimming underwater long distances. Maybe they should train them for underwater mine removal like they do with dolphins.

Junk E-mail

I have noticed that sometime email I don't consider to be "junk" ends up in my Junk Folder anyways. Even when I tell Outlook NOT to put it there is still does.

This just proves that Outlook was written by a woman. She knows what is Junk mail before I do.

This also proves womens intuition applies to electronics. So does that mean women don't need to use the clicker to change channels? This explains why when us guys walk into a room where a woman is watching TV, the clicker is never located next to them.

Xmas in June

Let's move Xmas to June. Think about it. Its perfect.

1. (Green angle) You don't have to cut down a tree. Just by a nice shrub and you could power the lights by solar energy (very green!)
2. (Obesity angle) You could work off all of the "bad food" the next day doing yard work.
3. (Harmony angle) You and your spouse wouldn't get stressed about the need to spend money on all of the presents while hassling with snow filled parking lots, winter conditions, lack of sun shine, and tax time looming
4. (Economy angle) Turkey farmers would see a fiscal boom in the summer too when everyone bought a Turkey for dinner. We all know that no one is really psyched about Turkey dinners two months in a row. Heck, half of us go for "the ham" at Xmas just because we are sick of leftovers.
5. (Harmony angle) The kids can play with their toys OUTSIDE.
6. (Festive angle) Hey, we still got Thanksgiving, New Years, and Valentines day all in a few months anyways. Its not like we are missing out on a chance to party
7. (Travel angle) Winter travel for Xmas means more canceled flights. Not so in June.
8. (Labor angle) The kids are out of school. Give them the shopping list and let them do it for us while we work.

go ahead....add you own reasons but you gotta admit, I have a point.

I approve this message

oh, and by the way. This is my blog and "I Approve this message."

I just DON'T get the whole bath tub thing.

Ok, what do Erectile Dysfunction and sitting in bathtubs have in common? Any guy who has ever taken a long bath knows how that turns out. If they want to cure ED, make it a jacuzzi and put them both in it. Who designs these commercials?

Time....

If you weren't wearing a watch or near a clock, what time would it be? Do blind people live longer because they can't see time pass?

I have a Super Power

I can solve any problem while I am in the shower. Unfortunately by the time I have dried off, I have forgotten the question.

More on Zambonis....

When discussing more than one Zamboni, is it Zambonis with an 's' or Zambonii with an 'i'?

That is a little like the plural of Moose....is it Mooses, Mice, or Moosei? Then again who has ever seen more than one so does it really matter.

SPAM

What does email SPAM taste like? Chicken?

Improving professional sports

Want to make basketball and football even MORE interesting? Swap balls.

Touchdown

Why do the refs raise their hands over their heads when a touchdown is scored? Isn't that the sign for a field goal?

Zambonis confuse me

Do Zamboni drivers have to go to school? Do they get licenses? Does Geico offer insurance? Can you get arrested for DWI on a Zamboni? Do Zamboni's have license plates? Are they made by inmates? Are the licenses different in each state? Can I get a vanity plate? Do they only come in white? How many gears do they have? Do Zamboni's have backup lights? If someone leaves a nail on the ice, will the Zamboni get a flat tire? Do they have a spare and a jack? Can you buy one used?

My Cat has No Idea.....

.....that her tail is moving. Don't tell her.

Male Pattern Baldness

Who was the model for the pattern? I would like to talk to his lawyer....

(btw: I will make a deal with any pharma company working on a cure for male pattern baldness, cure stupidity first and I will just shave my head. I have the perfect test subject for any anti-stupidity drug therapy and I know where he lives.)

Faster than yawn travel

Find me a scientist that can develop "faster than yawn" travel, then I will be impressed.

Picking up Fouls

So the basketball player just picked up his 3rd foul. That explains why the other guy is on the floor. He must be looking for the foul.