SPAM email I like!

I get a lot of SPAM email. Its the nature of being in the computer security field. You test against sites most people wouldn't touch with a ten foot Ethernet cable.

I have to admit though, some SPAM I LIKE. For example the newsletters Victoria's Secret sends me. I bought some clothes online for my fiance a couple years ago and now I get "gifts" every few weeks in the form of emails.

(ok, its a semi-lecherous post but its only an email and it makes me think of my finance' so technically, I'm safe!)

Duck or is that Horse?

With respect to park statues, if the horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle; if the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

So by deduction, if both rear legs are in the air, the person died by getting kicked in the head!

Thinking about God

• What religion does God practice?
• Does God have a gender?
• Does God like Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts or Gevalia?
• What year is it in heaven?
• What type of printer does God have? Does he have a laptop?
• Does God use Windows or Linux?
• Does God need to backup his data?
• Does God record us on Tivo when he is building other planets?
• If God is a woman, is she pre or post menopausal? Does she wear a bra?
  
• Does God have orgasms? With who? (it would seem weird that we can but God couldn't)
• Does God have a cellphone? Does it roam?
• How many Gb's of space is there on God's ipod?
  
• 
  

SQA PETA secret revealed

Damn, my secret weapon has been revealed on the Internet.

Anyone need a cat with good C++ skills? I also have a ferret who is good at testing PHP.

Someone is going to PAY for leaking this! Get my lawyer on the phone!

Pizza Slicing Perfected

German engineers announced recently that they have developed the world's most precise pizza slicers. It is expected that this device will be available for purchase by the general public some time in the next quarter.

Early testing shows the device to be highly effective on large pizzas although some complaints were received about the slicers effectiveness on small and medium size pizzas, especially those with anchovies as it seems the small fish bones gum up the works.

Company officials declined comment....

I don't remember.

I often forget the drive home. I can drive the whole way and not recall a thing. Tonite I think I got lost and drove by the Kuiper Belt but I don't really remember.

When France and Scandinavia collide, we pay!

Want to confuse the French and confound Scandinavians?

Where am I going with this? Well you can "raise a barn" (Scandinavian origin) while you "raze a lot" (French origin) next door. Confused? Imagine how someone learning English (we should call it American) feels? Yikes.

Conversation heard in a bathroom;
"Hey Jose, we are razing a barn at my house this weekend. Want to help?"
"Sure, I will bring my nail gun."
"Nail gun? We are razing it, not raising it. Bring your backhoe."
......flush...slam

So wrong.....

How to wear a yellow cavern.

Just for the record, I am not a big Pokemon fan but I saw this pic and had to make it mine.

Two things strike me about this picture:

1) You know that guys wants to kick that furry little creatures (known as Picachew) @ss for getting in this embarrassing photo.

2) (more importantly) How the heck does the person in the costume see out of the thing? The eyes are too far apart and the mouth is about 3 feet off the ground! I am convinced they hired a midget if you look at the arm placement which means, yes, the mouth must be where they are looking out of. That is just wrong. The midget must feel like he or she is wearing a yellow cavern. There is enough room in the head to hang a big screen TV!

I am sorry but this just kills me.....

Bodily Functions now Wii Games!

I just dont' know what to say about this other than I have to share it.

Yes, it is a game for the Wii call Super Pii Brothers.
Yes, it allows you to simulate peeing....

"According to the Japanese text on the box "Super Pii Pii Brothers promotes good bathroom skills and allows women to experience for the first time the pleasure of urinating while standing."

The question I have to ask myself is, will I buy the game? I can't imagine I would get to play for long as it would make me have to go. Perhaps this game would be best played in the bathroom.

From a pure entrepreneurial standpoint, what group of geniuses stood in a room and said, "Yes! That's it! Let design a game around bodily functions. It will sell like hotcakes." Twenty bucks says this company is NOT VC backed.

What next? Vomitorama? Colostomy bag toss? Thank God they don't make an addon that emits smells.

(man, my sleep is going to be disturbed tonite!)

Beginning to feel like Lawnmower man....

Ok, so let's go through the check list:
I'm Linked In - Check!
I'm on Plaxo - Check!
I got a facebook page - Check!
I have two blogs - Check!
I have more email accounts than one man should - Check!

Several domain names - Check!
I'm on Naymz - Check!
I got a Blackberry - Check!
Google Reader, Google Adwords, got it and got it (and paying for it!)
Paypal, yup!
Amazon, yup!
Ebay, yup!
Online banking....Salesforce.com.....yes sir!
Stumbling, Digging, and Twittering......5x5 and in the zone.

So tell me, when do I start to see the efficiencies?

When Music and English collide...it's not pretty nor harmonic

When writing musical lyrics, why do we call the part that repeats the "refrain". Should I sing it or NOT! Confusing....either let me sing it or take it out of the song. And stop making me sing the refrain over and over again. It's like breaking the law knowingly.


(I found this pick of Robert Plant....getting a bit "potted" in his old age but still a class act)

Someone shoot me (and the wiener)!

How do certain phases get into the our daily speech? I just used the phase "cool beans" with someone and I have no idea where it came from!

I guess this is similar to hearing a song on the radio in the morning and realizing later that afternoon you have been singing it all day! I wish I had the ability to go into my brain and ferret out several useless jingles, like the Oscar Meyer wiener song and most tunes by Captain and Tennille!

(what kind of name is Tennille and what is up with loving Muscrats?)

You could take an eye out!

Some things should never go into production. This ring pistol would have to be one of them.

I am wondering what comments might have been included in the manual for this ring.

• Do NOT shake hands while gun is loaded
• Playing handball while wearing this ring may reduce competition
• Ring not suitable for engagement purposes
• Sneezing or coughing may cause death
• Bullets sold separately
• Not suitable for hunting
• Please drink responsibly, i.e not while wearing this ring
• Notice to Clowns: Please remove this ring before making balloon animals
• Petting animals while wearing this ring may be misconstrued as "animal cruelty" and can lead to undo legal costs and trauma.
• Please remove ring before using restroom facilities.
  

Eat Mars Candies and lose weight!

These are the stupid things you do when sitting in a hotel room trying to pass time. You read the back of the MnM packet and start blogging. Interestingly enough Mars claims the color distribution in my packet is

Brown: 16.6%
Yellow: 16.6%
Red: 16.6%
Blue: 16.6%
Green: 16.6%
Orange: 16.6%
Invisible: 0.4%

So let's see, if there are 250 calories in each serving and there is one serving in a packet then I actually save about 1 calorie due to invisible MnMs. I wonder where they buy the invisible color and how do they know they actually get in the packet? How does one do quality control on invisible items?

For example, how does Wonder Woman know if someone stole here invisible jet? Are her keys invisible too? That would be a bitch if she lost them. Makes a good case for a clapper unit. I can hear it now;

WW: "Honey, have you seen my keys for the jet?"
Husband: "Ah.....No?"

Another bold research statement.

Filed under "duh"...

The effects of mobile phone radiation on sleep were studied in Sweden in a laboratory experiment where subjects were exposed either to 884 MHz GSM radiation or placebo. The study finds that compared to placebo, in the radiation-exposed subjects there was a prolonged latency to reach the first cycle of deep sleep (stage 3).

culled from Slashdot

Did anyone tell the researchers to turn the f**$&% phone OFF? Then maybe the subjects could get some sleep!