The other day, during a clear lapse of reason, I got to thinking what God would tweet if he had a Twitter account. Here are just a few I came up with.
- God Tweet: Created new background for Twitter. A really BIG LIGHT. Small problem, every visitor ends up in here. Might need to change it.
- God tweet: got an iPod today. Listening to God Smack. Good stuff (air guitar). Stubbed toe on Saturn while dancing.
- God tweet: created Fran Drescher. Got the nasal cavity wrong. She talks and dogs wince. Oh well
- God tweet: working on continents today. Can't get the glue on
- God Tweet: invested politicians and frontal lobotomy survey on the same day. Didn't see that coming.
- God Tweet: Working on food sources. Hid steak in weird creatures I call cows. Tried cow tipping. Funny!
- God Tweet: Trying to fix the camel design. Knees are wrong, jaw moves side to side. Gotta stop drinking on Thursday nights!
- God tweet: created the universe. Does this make me look fat?
- God Tweet: Created the Pomegranate today. Tried one. Hands red, face red, tongue red, exhausted and still hungry. What was I thinking?
- God Tweet: Got Gmail email account yesterday. Gotta smite SPAM. What is ED and why does everyone try to sell me something called "viagra"?
- God tweet: created golden retriever today. What's with all the leg humping?
- God tweet: tried world without gravity. Dropped it and lost all my best work. Starting over. Gonna add friction
- God Tweet: Fixing Angel aerodynamics issue. Halo causing drag, harp hard to hold on to at MACH 1+. Considering Boeing contract bid
- God Tweet: Created Peanuts today. Buried them under ground where no one will find them. For fun made elephants crave them.
- God tweet: created Devil for amusement. Forgot off switch. Dumb dumb dumb (slaps forehead)
- God tweet: Created humans. Added teen years to occur at same time as reproductive organ activation. May have read spec wrong?!
- God tweet: made talking gecko as proof of my existence. Damn thing works for Geiko. Miracle ignored.
- God tweet: gave birth to O'Reilly and Coulter. Split one brain between them. Disconnected from mouth. Dumb humans r hilarious. Angels laugh
- God tweet: built planet earth, spun up and orbiting. Creating wobble to f'with computer time. He he (giggles)
- God Tweet: Just created blondes. Bad idea. Brunettes tomorrow, Red head the day after to break up the fights.
- God Tweet: Giving cats tails, not telling them they are attached.
- God tweet: tried flat earth experiment. Water wouldn't stay put. Rounding edges
- God tweet: created marijuana today and the island off Jamacia. Bored
- God tweet: moved Mayans to another planet today. No one will miss them
- God tweet: tried to make Carrot Top funny today. Failed. Made Robin Williams. Wicked!
- God tweet: made humans bipeds. Created ice. Funny stuff. ROFL
- God tweet: created celery today. Not sure why.
- God tweet: how the heck does this .NET stuff work? Need to create Google first thing tomorrow.
- God tweet: vampire thing not working. Note to self not to invent garlic next time
- God tweet: spoke to Steve Jobs today. Suggested he put an "i" in front of all Apple products just for fun
- God tweet: made scissors for right handed people only. Satan is left handed. That will piss him off
- God tweet: helped those nutty Wright Bros today. Next small bags of peanuts
- God tweet: made planets today. Added Uranus for laughs.
- God tweet: anyone seen my tablets? Left them somewhere
- God tweet: invented cats today. Gave them a purrr that no one will figure out.
- God tweet: first infomercial, sold Moses a stick! Ha, made 60%profit
- God tweet: made a snake move without legs today. Creepy but fun.
- God tweet: I think I will give human a gall bladder for no good reason. Love confusing those humans.
- God tweet: made Noah build an ark today with no power tools! Ha
- God tweet: light, that's what this needs!
- God tweet : should I make camels knees bend backwards? That would keep those humans guessing!
- God tweet: not sure about this Adam rib thing
